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Sunday, February 19th, 2017
5:31 am - oh, yah, uhm
I made a video of me fighting Metal Gear left-handed. Because my right arm is crippled.

It's sucked.

I made a sequel video, too!

There's a "zone" followed by intermission and then the boss fight, if you want to skip right to the fight, I made a thing. . thing-thing.

I messed up with the audio on the sequel. . . I decided just to leave it all in there, because I'm sleepy, and I also don't have any software installed for this kind of thing right now. Some of it was pretty interesting. Whatever.

(What do you think)

Thursday, May 19th, 2016
1:47 am
Tonight, it felt like I was standing at the doorway of tomorrow.

(What do you think)

Wednesday, April 13th, 2016
11:25 pm - evs
. . . is it only just now that I've done whatever it is the thing that I do, taking a bunch of weed, that I've been able to get my life back on track this much? Like, what am I supposed to think right now.


(What do you think)

Sunday, April 10th, 2016
2:24 pm
I've been trying to write a lot more. . . sorry, I'm sorry, okay.

(What do you think)

Thursday, March 31st, 2016
3:04 am - wee
It's my birthday today. . I haven't had a fun birthday in a decade. . I plan to watch cartoons. I'm trying to progress in my life, although I have no idea what it is I'm trying to do.

. . oh well.

I don't use livejournal much anymore. I. . .can't seem to complete an entry, and I don't seem to want to read anything, either. . . . I sure hope I start feeling more like myself, soon.

(What do you think)

Thursday, March 3rd, 2016
4:48 am
going to a con. . . I feel, possibly more prepared than I've ever been for a con before, but I'm not expecting to enjoy it very much.

My depression has become quite bad. I trudge forward, forcing myself to do the right things, yet I feel like I'm becoming sadder. I always seem to be frowning, and it's weird because I remember when I would never frown. . I really feel that I'm becoming more depressed over time. I'm being hopeful. . I don't have very many more ideas for things to try.

(What do you think)

Friday, January 29th, 2016
3:11 pm - Cleaning
I've been trying to clean my house. . going through old boxes. Things that belonged to my dad. Presents we had given him. Letters and card, and photographs that I can't remember.

I found, a clay. . .coin, I had made as a child. With his name in it. I remembered cutting symbols into it, to decorate it. My fingerprints were baked into the clay from where I had worked on it as a child. . . He had kept it. He really cared about his children. .

I held it. . . put it down, and thought of a place to keep it. When I picked it up again, it broke in my hands. . . He had kept it for, more than twenty years; moved it to five different houses. . . and I couldn't even hold it, and it shattered, just in my gentle touch. When I had carried it to the place I had chosen, it was already in six pieces. In some ways, it was no longer recognizable to me: the memory that leapt out at me, of being a child, my hands pressing into the clay. . It was gone. There was that memory.

I've thought, having these things. . these, links to my past. Would comfort me. Somehow, I thought it being a real thing that happened; that it kept happening, echoing through my life. Yet I feel like there's a hole, instead of. . . warm feelings hugging me. I would rather all these old artifacts had vanished, long ago, and I was just on my own, living with just what I have today. . . going through these old things. . . I hope someday I'll feel better. I've wanted to appreciate my father's life. But I just miss him, the times we shared, times I can't make more of. . . I'm glad I live my own life, but I miss him, too. . in some ways, I am glad to be sad, thinking about him. It was such a different kind of sadness. I feel sad, but at one with the world, too. .

Maybe I've been living my life wrong. But I am living my life, for what I believe in. Everything feels much too dark for me. The memories I thought would, protect me, are a painting made of ashes, that I'm watching being blown by the wind. Someday, I'll be ashes, too, and I'll be blown by wind. .. I think I may like that, more than living, but I'm still going to try to enjoy being alive.

(What do you think)

Tuesday, December 1st, 2015
10:34 am - Dream
I had a weird dream. I was, on the starship enterprise. It explored a strange space anomoly, and the ship was taken over by an ancient civilization that had died out. Some of the crew lost their sense of respect for the command structure. Lost adrift, in the center of the anomoly was a planet, surrounded by what must have been a great army at one point. The image of a fighter craft hung in the sky far above; perhaps the symbol of their civilization.

We had somehow rescued the ship, I think, but a smaller craft had been lost on the surface of the planet, so we went to reclaim it.

The planet is strange: like a forgotten world. We saw people, on the train, but I think, the planet may have constructed people to lull us into a false sense of security. The commander told us not to board, and that the ship should be nearby. . yet some of our party boarded the train.

Much of the planet appeared totally green, and natural, aside from a few mechanical systems that still ran and thought their empire still existed. Evidently we were stuck on the planet for some time. I went down the traintracks one day to find out what happened to our friends. There was a carnival, themed all around candy; candy was everywhere.

I found the rest of the staff somewhere nearby there, and they had a piece of the ship, and were tearing it apart; they said they didn't have to follow protocol. They were going to sell parts of the ship for supplies to survive. I wondered what supplies they could really get--the world seemed deserted; if there was any life present, it seemed such a life could not grasp what our lifeforms need to survive.

I was wondering if we had all been changing for a long time now, since entering the anomoly. Like, if some kind of gas got into our minds and was rewriting everything.

(What do you think)

Saturday, October 17th, 2015
2:10 am
I hurt. I hurt too much to want to be classified as a living being. Gradually, thinking about what feeling better could be start to melt away. Slowly there's just clay surfaces, slowly melting into the ether.

(What do you think)

Thursday, September 17th, 2015
7:49 am - sweet dreams
It feels like it's been a while since I've had a really awesome dream.

I was exploring a sort of castle. It was like a puzzle game; there was a mystery to solve. I wonder what it was. We were in the dining hall, when suddenly we heard that another room was on fire.

We rushed through the courtyard, to the fire. Using some tools, I shoved the fire into the fireplace, to contain it. Then, the bodies that had died in the blaze, started reanimating as zombies, and were lunging forth to attack us! Because I was the dark lord, I was able to control the zombie's minds, so they served me and my friend. Then we went out of the castle, and got some ice cream. I realized I would need some totally cooler clothes, if I was going to be controlling zombies. None of the citizen seemed to mind the zombies, since, maybe because they were tame and just milling about near us.

In the second part of the dream, I was driving home with Dad in his truck. He tried to take a shortcut through the forest. I told him there wasn't a path here anymore, as they took down the bridge, and built a house were the trail was. He said "let's try, anyway" and drove through the river. Then, down the hill, catching some airtime on a bump.

He was dismayed that there was so much water a ways aheead, and I told him they had built a fence beyond that, anyway. We drove along away; this was private property, and there should be a fence up ahead, anyway. There wasn't, though, but then a police car came driving up. Were they after us for driving on this property? No, they were interrogating a drunk driver, and we slipped past.

I was playing a game on my 3ds, and this made Ghidorah and Godzilla awaken and start fighting in the sky. Dad pulled over the truck, and we got out. Everyone was amazed, watching the battle as the two giants crashed into one another in the sky. Because we had stopped in front of a bank, and a bunch of people had gathered there, they employees were happy for the extra people, and offered some cinnamon buns. They were really tasty! Then we drove off.

I was doing some character creation in a game. You could play as a koopa, but you had to be a female. I was okay with this: koopas are awesome!

(What do you think)

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